Trumped tower

06 trumped tower

Noah was a farmer with a vineyard.

One day he got drunk and passed out on the floor of his tent, stark naked. Noah’s youngest son, Ham, discovered his father and promptly ridiculed his undignified condition in the company of his two brothers.

Shem and Japheth took a robe, walked into their father’s tent backward, and with their heads turned away, they covered the unconscious man.

Later, when Noah found out what Ham had done, he cursed Ham’s future lineage. “Your son Canaan will be a slave to Shem and Japheth.”

God’s curse didn’t end with Canaan either. Ham’s grandson, the mighty warrior Nimrod, was the chief architect of the Babel project in Babylonia, not to mention he was the founder of Nineveh, a city with problems we’ll deal with later.

In Babel, the locals decided to build a great city, and at its epicenter, construct a mud-bricked tower of record-breaking heights.

This was an affront to God’s purpose. When God had told the people to go populate the whole earth, he meant business. Instead, everyone seemed hell bent on settling a tiny plot of real estate, grasping at heaven atop a grotesquely ornate high-rise.

God saw the people were determined, tech savvy, and unified in their endeavor. The fact that every engineer and worker on the project spoke the same language meant they’d likely accomplish their goal of autonomy and power.

So God personally descended, caused vernacular confusion, and scattered them across the earth.

The tower construction was ultimately abandoned and the people recontinued their migration to the four corners as God intended.

Inspiration: Genesis 9, 11

Sea sick

05 sea sick

Noah let fly a raven through an access hatch he had installed before the flood, but the waters continued to swell for another five months. The raven, finding no place to land, returned to Noah and the rest of earth’s inhabitants.

Seven months after it all started, the mammoth vessel with its living, breathing cargo lodged itself cleanly in a cleft on Mount Ararat, and for three months the waters continued to drain outward into the seas.

After spending nearly a year on the vessel, Noah released a dove, but it too returned. He released the dove again seven days later, and this time it brought back a green olive leaf in its beak. After another seven days, he released the dove for a third time. It was never seen again.

Noah and his family lived in the floating house for a year and two months. Although the ground was still somewhat sludgy, they’d all had enough, so they exited and led the animals, birds, and other creatures out upon the sun-kissed mountainside.

Noah built an altar and gathered the seven pairs of split-hooved animals, as well as the seven pairs of birds. He slayed them and burned them up on the altar as a sacrifice to God. This gesture so pleased God, that he said, “I’ll never again curse the earth or destroy all creatures because of humankind. The human heart is inclined to do evil from a very young age. May the seasons endure as the earth endures.”

Then God made a new promise between himself and humankind. “Multiply yourselves and populate the whole earth. From this day, the animal kingdom will fear you, for they are now yours for food. I gave Adam and Eve the gardens; I now give you everything. However, do not eat the blood of animals. Blood is life. For this reason also, whoever causes human bloodshed will pay with his own blood. The image of God is encoded in human blood.”

Then God ordained a sign of his promise: “Whenever you see a rainbow, remember I’ll never again destroy the earth because of human evil.”

Inspiration: Genesis 7-9

Hard reboot

04 hard reboot

In the days of Noah, the average human life span extended hundreds of years, and the race propagated with vigor across the earth. Because rebellion against God rule is a genetic predisposition, the increasing population engendered a crescendo of violence and corruption. A certain company of men who descended from God lusted after the daughters of men, and they defiled them. Taking them as wives, they created the Nephilim race, “fallen giants,” the titans of renown.

God lamented over humanity’s wickedness and swore, “I’m cutting them off. Human lives will be shortened to no more than a hundred and twenty years.” Even so, he regretted ever creating such an insurgent breed and decided to eradicate them, along with their pets, wild animals, birds, and anything else that creeped along the ground.

Enoch’s great-grandson, Noah, was perfect compared to any other specimen, so God brought him into his circle of one.

“I’ve decided to destroy the earth and its inhabitants with a great flood,” he told Noah. “Make a three-story vessel from cypress wood and waterproof it. When the waters emerge and surround you, everything outside the vessel will die. Bring your family along. It will be an unforgettable ride.”

He further instructed Noah, “Bring a male and a female of every living thing into the vessel, and keep them alive. In addition, bring seven pairs of all split-hooved grazers and birds. Finally, store up plenty of food for you and the creatures you bring in with you.”

Noah obeyed God. He was six hundred years old when he and his family boarded the vessel together with all the animals and provisions in preparation for the catastrophic deluge. Just as promised, the pipes burst from deep beneath the seas, and torrential rains emptied themselves from the heavens. It rained for forty days and nights, and when the highest mountain peaks were buried in a sea of foaming floodwaters, every living thing outside of God’s protective haven perished.

Inspiration: Genesis 6-7