Incestuous lot

Lot was afraid to stay too long in Zoar, so he and his daughters settled in a cave in the hill country.

“Father’s old,” the older daughter said to her sister. “Consider the fact that we’re hiding out in a cave. No man will come and take us for wives.”

The older daughter said, “Let’s get him drunk and sleep with him. This way we can keep our family tree going.”

That night, they served their father more wine than usual, and when he was barely conscious, the older daughter went to bed with him. Lot never knew a thing.

The next day, she said to the younger daughter, “It’s your turn tonight.” Again they served too much wine, and Lot became very drunk. The younger daughter went in and had sex with him. Once again, Lot knew nothing about it.

Both daughters conceived sons with their father. Moab, the patriarch of Moabites, was born of the older daughter, and Ben-Ammi, the patriarch of Ammonites, was born of the younger.

Inspiration: Genesis 19

Trumped tower

Noah’s family flourished after the flood and lived as farmers and shepherds, and every enterprise was blessed and profitable. The family vineyard, for example, put out a jug of wine that’d make Bacchus blush.

One day the patriarch got so drunk, he passed out stark naked in his tent. Noah’s youngest son Ham stumbled upon his father’s undignified condition and burst out laughing.

He told his brothers about it, but instead of laughing, Shem and Japheth took a robe into their father’s tent, and, walking backward with their heads turned away, they covered the unconscious man.

Later, when Noah found out how Ham had behaved, he cursed his entire family tree throughout eternity. “Your son Canaan will bow to Shem forever,” he vowed.

Here’s how it began: Ham’s grandson, the mighty warrior Nimrod, was the chief architect of a new real estate project in Babylonia. In the middle of that city, a mud-bricked tower of record-breaking heights would dwarf all other known human-made structures.

This project was an insult to God’s desire for humankind to be unbounded and to multiply over the whole earth. When God said to Noah “the whole earth,” he meant across its furthest breadths and depths. But everyone seemed dead set on populating a high-rise on a tiny plot of ground.

God saw the people were determined, tech-savvy, and unified in their endeavor. Every engineer and worker on the project spoke the same language, so they’d likely accomplish their immediate goal of ingenuity, autonomy, and power, as well as anything else under the sun.

So God personally descended, stirred up vernacular chaos, and the tower’s construction was ultimately abandoned. The place was named Babel, for their speech baffled each other’s ears, and brick eventually fell from brick.

Thus Ham’s curse had begun, and the peoples of earth resumed their migration across the whole planet.

Inspiration: Genesis 9, 11